Anxious
by georgiahorse
Summary: Tori has anxiety. When she transfers to Canterwood Crest academy can she overcome her terrible panic attacks or will destroy her, sending her home for good. Something like anxiety could ruin her horse career forever. Her horse Kenshi is the main reason she keeps going. Will she keep it to herself until she explodes or will she find away to leave her problems behind.
1. Chapter 1 - Moving in

**When people say it's just a horse, they just don't understand.**

I wiped my sweaty palms on my washed out jeans and tried not to look out the window of the car. My music blasted through my yellow head phones. Anxiety trickled through me.

_No, _I thought, _settle down._ I chewed at my bottom lip and ran my fingers through my blonde hair. I knew exactly where we were once the driver turned the corner.

"Tori," My older sister, Taylor said leaning over. She held a pill in her hand and held it out to me.

"You know it helps." She dropped it into my palm and I nodded downing it, and then smiled.

"We're approaching girls." The driver said and my mother turned and leaned between the two front seats.

"You excited?" She said clapping. I nodded and smiled. I was, but it was hard to ignore my nerves screaming and shaking through my body.

I looked out the window for the first time in the past ten minutes. People, horses, teachers, people. I looked away from the crowded premises as soon as possible.

"And we are here!" Max said as he pulled into a car park. _We are here. _I repeated in my head.

"Woohoo!" My sister encouraged, jumping out of the car. Yeah, I guess I better get over this feeling if I'm going to be staying here for the rest of my time in school. With a bit more confidence I jumped out of the car. I immediately beamed as I saw the horse transport truck stroll down the road toward the stable. I jumped in excitement and jogged after it. The truck pulled into the unloading area.

"Kenshi boy!" I jumped onto the wheel of the truck to look the peephole at him.

"Go on and get him out of there!" Kevin the truck driver smiled as he saw me. I pulled the door open and kissed Kenshi's white blaze. Kenshi was a dappled grey with a pinkish tinge. His blaze was pink at the muzzle and his socks glistened white in the sun.

Taylor horse, Autumn struck her hoof at the trucks floor.

"Oh, sweetie, Taylor will be here soon." I unloaded Kenshi and had him on the pavement outside in his baby blue shipping gear when a groom came and got Autumn out of the truck.

"Taylor will be here soon." I told the groom and he nodded quietly. Just then Taylor jogged over.

"Sorry." She told the groom taking Autumn's pink lead.

We followed the groom into the huge barn. Kenshi and Autumn's stalls were next each other and Kenshi's was right next to and across from a pair of cross ties. After I put Kenshi in his stall, I went back to the truck and got his tack and other things. I walked through the barn and put his things in the tack room. A group of girls were huddled in the corner. A girl with brown curly hair and olive skin glanced up and smiled at me. I placed my saddle on my saddle rack and rested my many colours of saddle pads below it.

"Victoria Grayson?" The curly brunette asked.

"Yeah, that's me!" I told her.

"Omigod, its Cara, your roommate!" She said walking over to me.

"Oh my god! Hi!" I said hugging her. She laughed.

"These are my friends." She led me over to the group of girls.

"Meet Hannah, Stephanie, Keeley and Sarah." She beamed.

"Kate…" Sarah's face dropped from a smile as she mumbled looking towards the door. A tall blonde entered the tack room, custom saddle in hand. She shot a look in our direction then rolled her eyes and put her saddle on her the rack next to mine and eyed my saddle and nodded.

"Wait, Victoria Grayson goes here." She mumbled slightly to her friend standing beside her.

"She transferred." The short orange haired friend said. Kate looked up from my saddle and back over to us and made eye contact with me. She smiled sweetly before tearing away.

She strolled toward the door before spinning on her heal and faced us.

"Good luck on making the beginner team tomorrow ladies." She said her eyes glaring into Keeley's. She opened the door and left.

"Um… what?" I asked, confused.

"I'll tell you back in our room. Roomie." Cara nudged my shoulder.

I had just finished my part of the room. I had laid a blue and yellow bed spread on top of my white sheets on my double bed. My wall above my bed was covered in pictures and Polaroid pictures of old friend and me and my horses. I had books stacked up on shelves almost over flowing and magazines stack into piles. My walk-in-robe was also almost overflowing and my desk had had textbooks workbooks stack in the shelves and my MacBook sitting open. My vanity was stacked with my make-up and pushed against the wall and the shelf above my dresser had my nail-polish in coloured order. I threw a few blankets and pillows onto the large leather couch an onto the window seat, the mini fridge was stacked with food along with the cupboards and all my movies and TV shows were piled around the huge TV.

"Wow." I sighed pleased with my creation. I sat down with a book and read for the rest of the afternoon.

It was late in the afternoon and I had had a sleep, boiled some tea and slept some more. Cara burst open collapsed on the couch. She stroked the soft blanket she fell on and smiled.

"These are nice." She said.

"I thought so too." I chuckled.

"Okay, so fill me in," I said sitting next to her with a bag of chips. She sat up and took some from the bag.

"Kate is Sarah's cousin, Keeley's former best friend and the schools queen bee." She munched.

"She's had this thing with Keeley ever since Keeley started kicking her ass at… everything." She paused and shrugged.

"So I guess the best she can do is put Keeley and all her friends down."

"Yeah, I've met that kind of person before." I said nodding.

"My friends invited us to the Slice for dinner. You interested?" She asked.

"Absolutely."

The Slice was busy as Cara and I strode up to it. Cara's friends had a long table off to the side. Everyone was already seated at one end of the table. I sat next to Cara on the end although there were still plenty of seats next to me.

"Hi, Victoria," Keeley said from across from me.

"Hey, just call me Tori." I told her and she nodded.

"What's your story Tori?" She asked grinning.

"I live in New York, been riding horses all my life… um, yeah… Nothing too interesting." I told her.

"Sure, that's why half of the equestrian team know you. Because you're not interesting." She chuckled.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"We all know your past. You're a nationally known rider, Tori." I looked down to the menu.

"Anyway, we'll have to go for a ride sometime." She smiled. Just then a bunch of guys entered the restaurant.

"Finally we can order!" Stephanie said. A tall dark haired guy sat in the seat next to me grinning widely.

"Miller, don't scare the new girl." Keeley smiled as she received a peck on the cheek from the boy that sat next to her.

"Hi," Miller said to me.

"I'm Miller." He grinned holding out his hand.

"Victoria—Tori," I laughed shaking his hand.

"I want pepperoni!" Another guy almost shouted.

When the pizza arrived everyone settled down from their excitement and grabbed several pieces at a time.

"The slice pizza is incomparable!" Miller told me with his mouth full. I laughed and took a bit of my mozzarella slice.

"Yes, it is!" I laughed with my mouth also full.

"So Tori, what was your life back home like?" Keeley asked.

"It consisted of lots of riding lessons and shows." I told her.

"No, we knew that. What your friends like—Wait! Did you have a boyfriend? Did you have to breakup when you moved here?" Cara asked. I didn't reply I just sat and grinned.

"Oh my god! You did!" She exclaimed.

"Shut up!" I said.

"What was his name?" She asked.

"Mitch." I whispered laughing.

"We're gonna have talk when we get home!" Cara shouted.

"Why not now?" Miller laughed resting his head on his hands.

"Miller, no, it's called _girl _talk for a reason." Cara said.

"I am so full!" Miller said rubbing his stomach.

"I'm ready to head back." I said to no one in particular.

"Oh but we haven't even had desert." Cara said.

"You stay; I can head back by myself." I told her.

"You sure?" She asked sympathetically.

"Positive." I told her standing up.

"I'll come with you. I can't fit in desert anyway." Miller said standing. I smiled and grabbed my jacket and we walked out.

"I'll see you tomorrow maybe." I told him outside.

"Yeah, bye." He said sticking his hands into his pockets. I waved goodbye and made my why to Orchard.

Back in our room I collapsed onto my bed and fell asleep. It was only Saturday night and tomorrow was Sunday. Maybe I won't get away early this time


	2. Chapter 2 - Friends

**Anxiety is a very serious mental disorder and throughout the story you will find out what triggers Tori's attacks and the ways she deals with them. Horses do comfort her. Her anxiety is triggered mostly by what she thinks the people around her think about her. Even the smallest things trigger it and I should know since I suffer from it myself. Hope you're enjoying the story so far.**

_**I can fly, give me bridle and my horse will do the rest.**_

The next morning I woke up around 8:30am. Cara had laid a blanket from the couch as I hadn't even gotten into the covers when I got in last night. Cara was still sleeping so I quietly got up and went into my bathroom. I ran the shower and slipped out of my clothes and stepped into the shower. The hot water sprayed with perfect pressure through my blonde hair and onto my back. Showering was the one thing that I knew could distract myself from the giant pit in the bottom of my stomach. I stood there feeling numb for several minutes before turning the tap off and stepped out subconsciously.

"Tori?" Cara asked from her bed when I finally stepped out of the bathroom.

"Yeah, Cara?" I asked her moving over to the cabinet above the mini-fridge.

"Why did you go home early?" She asked. I reached into the top shelf and pulled down a container. I dropped a pill into my hand.

"Cara, I like your friends," I swallowed the pill, "I do," I walked over and sat on the end of her bed. I wasn't going to tell her the truth. I couldn't. Not yet. "I felt like I was intruding." I said instead.

"No, Tori… No." Cara sat up.

"You know, it was your first night together, I didn't feel a part of it. But now I think of it I feel embarrassed." I told her.

"No, no, seriously they loved you. I know Keeley probably made you feel uncomfortable, asking about your personal stuff, but after she saw you in the tack room she had to run to her room and pull down her _posters _of you." We both laughed.

"Anyway, I think Miller's into you." She winked.

"No!" I said hitting her with a pillow.

"But seriously, I don't know if he had something before he turned up, but he is never that… fun… and… good to be around."

"Well, I've been known to have a positive effect on people." I said and she laughed.

"Tori, I couldn't help but notice you're in your riding clothes." She raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'm going to head out soon." I told her.

"Okay, well I'm going to sleep." She said rolling over. I walked over to my vanity and sat on my fluffy chair from PBteen. I applied SPF 15+ bb crème, a thin line of eyeliner and mascara around my blue eyes. I twisted my blonde hair into a pony tail and pulled on my boots and headed out of Orchard. I walked down the paths and through a garden that had a huge fountain and student reading, talking, or kissing on the benches.

I made my way through the park and down to the stable. I made my way down the hall and found my sister with Autumn in the stall next to Kenshi's.

"How was your first night?" She asked me as I stoked Kenshi's blaze.

"It was good; my roommate invited me out for pizza." I told her.

"Was it alright… with the… you know?"

"Um… I left before everyone else. Taylor, I have no idea what triggered it, like most of the time I have some idea but…"

"It's okay, it was your first night; you were on the edge. Do you want to talk about it?" She asked. I shook my head. "No, there's nothing to worry about. It's in the past now." I said and my sister nodded. I went to the tack room and got Kenshi's bridle, saddle and a blue saddle pad and headed towards the door. I was stopped in my tracks by Kate.

"It's Victoria right?" She asked me.

"Yeah, Tori." I said.

"I really like you saddle." She smiled sweetly.

"Thank you!" I smiled.

"Look, I know you have some big title, but Mr Connor is not going to take that into consideration." She said her tone suddenly serious. She was tall but I stood taller.

"I know, I don't expect him too, because how do you think I got that big title. Because I was the best person that could of got it. I had to be good and that's what a national title is all about. Not because of privileges." I smiled then stepped around her.

Soon I had Kenshi in the cross-ties and was tying up his girth.

"Good boy." I said into his neck as I hugged him. It was at that moment that I really needed the scent of horses. I put his bridle on and led him out to one of the outdoor arena's which was empty.

I there mounted and started warming around the edges. I worked on transitions and lead changes and then continued with other flat work. I had been going for 20 minutes and was eyeing the jumps. I let Kenshi into a walk and walked up to check them out. There was about five of them that stood about 3 foot high.

"You can't jump them without a supervisor." A voice from far end called. I looked up to mind Miller there and trotted over to him.

"Good thing you're here then." I smiled. He carried a GPA helmet and wore charcoal coloured breeches and a red t-shirt.

"I didn't know you rode." I said as he pulled on his helmet and jumped over the rail.

"There are only five?" He raised and eyebrow.

"Yep," I confirmed.

"Okay," he began, "Go over them."

I cantered Kenshi up the rail and turned him towards a jump at the far end of the arena.

"Take one at a time!" Miller informed.

The first one was a simple vertical. Kenshi and I approached the jump. I felt his impulsion rise as we approached the jump. _3, 2, 1._ On one I leaned forward and moved my hands a little up Kenshi's neck. He responded by rising into the air and tucking his forelegs under his body neatly. We landed softly and he cantered several strides before I slowed him to a trot and approached Miller.

"How was it?" I asked him smiling.

"That was awesome. You guys are amazing together. I'll just move down from the advanced team so you can have a spot because…" He stopped noticing I looked uncomfortable.

"Yeah that was good! Do it again but go over the next oxer too and we'll like build up the jumps." He smiled, but he hadn't grinned or was in the same mood as he was last night.

I nodded and cantered over to the jumps. I approached the first one and Kenshi took it perfectly, like before. Then we cantered around to the oxer and he went over it perfectly and landed over so lightly.

"Excellent! Now four, so the triple bar oxer and the liver pool as well." He said.

I cantered around again and eased over the ones I had already approached and then to the triple bar oxer. I squeezed Kenshi to give him the impulse we were going to need then at the perfect moment I released and let him sail forward over the oxer. I looked over at the liver pool which was different from what we'd ever jumped. Turning the corner Kenshi pricked his ears at the plastic pool below the jump. I gave him an encouraging click with my tongue and squeezed a little making him h=gain his momentum again. We approach the jump. _3,2_—Kenshi jumped one stride too early but he still covered the jump easily and he landed well and still had good balance.

"That was really good! My horse is still terrified of the liver pool and she's been here longer than me." Miller said.

"You lease?" I asked him.

"No it's my brother's old horse. But my brother quit so I got his underappreciated beauty of a horse." He grinned proudly now.

"I'll have to meet her sometime." I suggested.

"Yeah. Okay, all of them this time?" He asked.

"Sounds good." I said.

After I finished jumping, Miller left and I did some more flatwork and dressage moves. Back in the stable I had Kenshi in the cross-ties.

"Tori, hey." Keeley greeted walking over and patting Kenshi.

"Hi," I said.

"Oh my god, Mortal Kombat." She said in admiration.

"It's Kenshi," I told her.

"Huh?" She looked confused.

"Kenshi is the name of a 'rogue swordsman' who is a character in a Japanese video game called Mortal Kombat." I told her.

"Wow, that's really interesting." She nodded.

"I have never played the game before in fact I found the name Kenshi on the internet and then looked up the definition and made is show name the name of the game." I told her.

"My horses name is Prince and his show name is just High Throne, so I just made a connection without bothering to research." She laughed. My stomach twisted. I didn't want people to think I was a geek or something. What if that was judgement. What if me coming here wasn't a good thing for her? Maybe she thought, I thought that I was better than her.

"Want to go to The Sweet Shoppe?" I stopped chewing my lip after she said that. Maybe she did like me.

"Yeah, sounds great. Want to help me finish up here?" I patted Kenshi's shoulder.

"Of course," I undid Kenshi's girth and took his stuff to the tack room as Keeley groomed him. When I came back I put Kenshi in his stall and Keeley and I left the stable.

The Shoppe was packed with students who were dying to get a taste of their old favourites again. Keeley and I stood in the line.

"You have to try the caramel macrons, oh and the iced chai latte!" She sighed at the thought.

"How about you just order for me?" I asked her.

"Yes! But you're paying!" She smirked.

"Of course," I said moving up in the line with her. We reached the counter and Keeley ordered about half a dozen things.

"We'll get a large iced white chocolate mocha, two caramel macrons, a large vanilla thick shake with malt and two fudge brownies, please." The barista nodded and we paid. A few minutes later we grabbed our stuff and headed towards the park. We set ourselves down on the grass.

"Okay, take sip of this first." She said handing me the iced mocha. I causiously took a sip if it.

"Oh my goodness, that is amazing!" I said and she nodded. She handed me a macron and a brownie and set the drinks down between us. We ate in silence for the first few minutes.

"What was the A circuit like?" Keeley asked.

"Times your worst competition by ten." I said.

"Figured." She laughed.

"What do you know about Kate?" I asked her.

"At the very start of sixth grade, Kate, Hannah and I were best friends. Kate did swimming with Hannah and riding with me." She said.

"So when Kate started to get really competitive with us we kind tried to stay away from her. Then not only was she competitive with us she started to hate us. Kate ended up quitting swimming because it wasn't her thing so then it was mostly just her and I that were—are competitors." She finished.

"Anyway, let's get back to Orchard; Cara is probably waiting for you." Keeley said standing and dusting the dirt off. I nodded and grabbed the only things that remained.

"Cara?" I said opening the door to our room to find Cara still in her pyjamas on the couch with a bag of chips watching television. She looked up with a chip hanging out of her mouth.

"You're obviously a Sunday person." I said laughing as I checked my watch that read 12:30.

"I've been to the cafeteria. But I came back and got back into my pyjamas." She smiled proudly. Keeley walked around me and joined her on the couch and I did too. It was a Sunday afternoon spent well.


	3. Chapter 3 - Joan

**Some things: (1) The girls are in 9****th**** grade (2) I'm Australian so I have to research lots of things about American school life (tell me if the girls-and guys- should be older or younger) (3) I do ride myself (I don't know what that had to do with any of that.) (4) Should Miller be Tori's love interest and (5) Should Tori/Miller play hard to get? (6) In the review, please put some suggestions for something that could go wrong (I suck at finding out those things because I personally hate drama and hate things to go wrong).**

_**If you climb in the saddle, be ready for the ride.**_

I woke up to the buzzing sound of my alarm clock and my body immediately stiffened. My legs felt like jelly and stiff at the same time and my fingers felt like they were throbbing. My breathing started to grow heavy and my heart raced. It was the first day of school. I sighed and stretched and pulled myself out of bed and headed straight for the cabinet above the mini-fridge. I took two tablets just to be sure. I glanced over at Cara who was sitting up.

"Have you been up long?" She asked.

"Nope, just got up," I told her. I moved over to my walk-in-robe and searched for an outfit. I pulled out a white t-shirt, denim skirt and my tan Saltwater sandals and got dressed quickly. I had packed my bag the night before so I didn't have to worry about it in the morning. Instead I sat in the chair of my vanity and twisted my long, and today, particular curly, hair into braid. I applied BB cream, mascara and eyeliner, my daily look, and grabbed my leather satchel bag and hung it over my shoulder.

"What do you have first?" I asked Cara who was still getting changed.

"Um, English and then Music and Ancient History… What about you?" She asked.

"English, Art and then Chemistry." I told her. I walked over to the fridge and grabbed and an apple.

"Are you in advanced English?" She asked me.

"Yeah, with Mr Nova," I added.

"Cool, we're in the same class!" She said walked over to her vanity. I got my phone and turned it on to find to messages.

"How did Miller get my number?" I asked her glancing at the message.

_Hey Tori, it's Miller _

"I may have given it to him." She smirked finishing off her braid.

"You like? We can be twins on over first day!" She grinned twisting in her chair. Her hair was like mine but brown and her curls suited her better.

"Love it!" I smiled. I looked down at my iPhone again to see a text from Mitch.

_Good morning T! Have an awesome first day. Mitch x_

"Everything alright?" Cara asked concerned.

"Absolutely!" I said. Cara had mascara on one eye and not on the other and I laughed at the sight.

Cara finished up and we headed out of Orchard and towards our first class we, thankfully, share together.

Cara and I entered the room and took our seats we were one of the first ones there. I pulled my Rae Bans from my bag and pulled them on. People started entering the room. I got out my pens and workbook and sat them neatly on the desk. Hannah entered the room, waving at Cara and I. She looked gorgeous in a floral print skirt and white top and her blonde hair in a half up half down style.

"Hey," She greeted us taking the seat next to me.

"Hi," I said and Cara smiled at her.

"The list comes out on Friday!" Hannah grinned.

"Seriously, it's first day in and you're talking about the list?" Cara laughed.

"I'm aiming for 9th grade's future Olympic swimmer… or best style." Hannah said proudly.

"What about you Cara? What are aiming for?" She asked. Cara rolled her eyes but was still smiling.

"I'm just going for the title 'Fabulous'… or best bikini body." The two broke out into laughter.

"And I predict Tori will get superstar equestrian or…" Cara began.

"Boy magnet!" Hannah added in stitches of laughter.

"I have no idea what this is all about." I said smiling at them confused.

"Every year, people from each grade are given a title, or a prediction of what they will aspire to be throughout the year. For example Cara will be titled, Bikini model." Hannah said.

"Exactly." Cara said giggling. Moments later the girls giggling stopped as they looked up at the entrance as Kate entered. She took the seat in front of us.

"Oh God." Hannah mumbled. I felt a tap on my shoulder and spun around to find Miller sitting behind me.

"Hey, I didn't even see you come in." I told him.

"You were in a giggling fit." He said. I felt my cheeks go red. I hated giggling, it was so girly and I hated people to see that side of me.

Every one grew silent as Mr Nova walked into the classroom carrying a box of books.

"Good morning everybody," He said placing the box on the table. "Today, I only want to hand out your class book and explain your syllabus." He began.

"Now, this year we are veering away from the classics. There has been some debate as to whether students should read books suitable for their own ages or desires, or whether they should read classics based on a broad range of excellent literature. So to start of the year we are going to be reading Scott Westerfeilds, Uglies. But trust me, I assure you we will go back to classics this year as I think they are much better than modern Science Fiction." He said. Mr Nova was middle aged and grumpy although he seemed to be friendly.

"Anyways, like I said, this book is Sci-fi. It has themes that show that. Uglies is about a futuristic world where teenagers are Ugly, our normal, until they turn sixteen. On their sixteenth birthday they undergo surgery that makes them in every way, their society's image of pretty. I think this book is important for youth so they develop the true idea of beauty, which, like I just stated, is just an idea. I know most of you will just overlook this as you'll be more interested in the main characters love interests." He explained as he passed around the books.

"Now, I'm going to assume you've all studied a classic book. Am I correct?" He asked and everyone nodded.

"Excellent. So instead of only studying the themes and big ideas, I want you to compare it to the Classic books you've read in the past." He smiled at me passing me the book. "For homework, I want you to read the first three chapters. It's an easy read and you are the advanced class, so do not worry."

Once he handed out the books he continued on with the syllabus until the bell rang and we were dismissed. I walked out the door and said goodbye to Cara and Hannah and walked towards my Art class. The art building was a large industrial looking brick building with large glass windows and ivy that climbed high up. I entered the building to find artwork of all kinds on display. I stopped and stared one that was a gorgeous piece of photography with flowers pressed and layered on top of it to make it look gorgeous and effort less.

"Do you like that one?" A teacher said. I spun around and found a young blonde female teacher. I nodded.

"I love it! Where can I get one?" I asked her. The teacher smiled.

"I'm going to assume that you're in my 9th grade art class, yes?" I nodded.

"Well I'm your teacher, Miss Cantrell." She smiled.

"The artist was also a photographer." She grinned.

"She left behind her portfolios and some artwork I would be happy to give you in or after class. I'll see you shortly…"

"Tori," I told her and she nodded rushing off in another direction. I continued down the hallway until I reached my classroom. Inside were long desks, about triple the length of you average school desk. Storage shelves covered the near side of the room and on the far side was sinks and above them large glass windows that reached the ceiling. I took a seat and got out my art diaries. I had two, one an A4 visual art diary and the other a small personal sketch book. Half the class was filled and I sat alone, noticing I knew no one in the class. I think I liked it like that actually; I got the chance to meet new people, instead of safely sticking with my roommates friends.

A girl with wavy brown hair and green eyes took the seat next to me. I smiled kindly at her and she smiled back.

"You're new right?" She asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Oh, well, I'm Emma." She smiled.

"I'm Tori." I told her.

Miss Cantrell entered the room and walked to the desk at the front. She dropped a box of books on her desk.

"Welcome! I am very excited to get started!" She grinned.

"This semester we will be working on our individual art. Our individual interpretations on creating beauty." _That relates to what we're doing in English, _I thought. "So, for your first project you will be creating a visual representation." She held up two A4 black journal style visual art diaries, one portrait and one landscape. "You will receive a portrait or landscape book with about 60 pages to fill for your assignment and I'd hate to tell you but you will still have to bring your own visual art diaries to class, because we will be studying different styles and techniques that you might use." She explained.

"For each artwork you will need to explain your techniques and why you made it and other things like perhaps the feelings it shows and how people might find beauty in it. But right now I just want you to collect your book and brainstorm a theme for your assignment. So come on up." She said and I stood and headed to the front of the classroom. I took a landscape book and returned to my seat. Students contemplated on what they wanted but finally chose and returned to their seats too.

"Excellent. In your own books, start brainstorming." She said.

A few things raced through my mind.

Watercolours.

Glitter.

Sketches.

The bell rang for the end of class and I had made progress with discovering a theme, some techniques and some example sketches.

"Tori," Miss Cantrell said after most people had left.

"Yes,"

"Here's what you wanted." She smiled handing me a large portfolio ad a smaller one and a visual art diary with artworks placed to stay secure in the pages.

"Joan was the girl. She was very pleasant to teach. Her art diary was what she did when she was assigned this project. She did an excellent job. Joan was very strong. She had cancer and passed away last year." I looked up at Miss Cantrell whose eyes where low.

"I found her art work most fascinating. She would have liked someone to appreciate it." She smiled.

"Thank you. Thank you so much." I said.

"Bye, see you tomorrow!" I said heading out the door. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I walked through the art buildings halls again, but now with a different perspective. I carried my new possessions close to my chest and walked out into the open again. I headed to the science building feeling determined. I didn't know what for. I didn't know who I was trying to prove but I enjoyed the feeling of determination. Maybe it was Joan who inspired me. I didn't know much about her but I knew through what I was holding of hers that would soon find out.

I reached my science room and took a seat next to Stephanie who sat next to Sarah.

"Had a good day so far?" Stephanie asked.

"Yeah, great!" I said putting Joan's portfolio into my bag and grabbing my chemistry book.

Mr Draught gave us a quiz and then put us into lab groups. I was paired with a guy called Liam. He was quiet and didn't talk much but spoke up when he had to. Stephanie was in the bench behind me and gave me a smile every time I glanced back at her. After the period was over I walked with Stephanie and Sarah to the cafeteria. When we got there we found Cara a few girls and some of the guys over at a table near a window. I got a grilled cheese and avocado sandwich and a sprite and followed Sarah and Stephanie over to the table.

Cara waved as we approached.

"Tori, you haven't met Carly have you?" She said as sat next to the dark haired girl.

"No, nice to meet you," I said.

"You too,"

"We were just talking about the riding try-outs this afternoon." Miller said.

"You ride?" I asked Carly.

"Oh, no, they were talking about it; I was just pretending to listen." She smirked.

"Yeah, anyway, I'm freaking out." Miller said.

"I think you'll do fine." I told him.

"No, I'm trying out for the YENT and there are only three places." He said.

"Can newbies get on the YENT straight away?" Cara asked me.

"I'm already on the team." I told her. "But I'm still doing the tryouts so Mr Conner can assess me."

"Of course, so does that shorten his chances?" Cara asked me referring to Miller.

"I have no idea, but if you're good enough to be on the advanced team you're good enough to be on the YENT." I said knowing it wasn't true. The YENT was nothing than I had ever been trained for.

"Wait, so does that mean you will have the YENT scout assessing you too?" Cara asked again. I nodded.

"Miller you'll be fine. Do not stress." I told him. I quickly downed my meal and left the cafeteria and dropped off my books in my room and collected my other books. I sighed as I looked in the direction of the mini-fridge. I didn't need medication this time. I needed an iced tea.


	4. Chapter 4 - The Test

**Although I don't want to rush into all the ideas but everyone's review gave me several things to write about (YAY!). I'm using crazyhorse00's idea for one of Tori's old rivals to come back and join Kate at making Tori miserable. I loved the opinions on Tori playing hard to get and bringing her anxiety between her and Miller and also, Tori's friends will soon learn about Tori's anxiety, but not yet! Thanks for enjoying it!**

_**A horse is the projection of peoples' dreams about themselves -strong, powerful, beautiful and it has the capability of giving us escape from our mundane existence" Pam Brown**_

I reached my room that afternoon and quickly dressed into a pair of chocolate Tailored Sportsman breaches and light blue Ariat polo shirt. I neatened up my braid and pulled on my boots. I grabbed my GPA helmet and paused for a minute. I had to remember to keep calm. _Calm, _I told myself breathing and feeling my heart rate. I walked over to the cabinet and swallowed a pill.

"They're just evaluating you. You're already on the YENT." I told myself but I felt silly afterwards so I quickly checked myself in the mirror. I didn't have to ride until later so rushing would just make me freak out more. I grabbed my pone and earphones and played some Bastille. Which I realised wasn't too much help since it wasn't a good song for nerve soothing but I danced to myself anyway and grabbed a muesli bar. I left Orchard, waving to the dorm monitor on my way out. I opened my muesli bar outside and stopped, taking a bite and looking at campus for a second before continuing through the park and glancing around campus I walked, trying not to nod my head to the beat to noticeably. When the stable came into sight I glanced over at the outdoor arena. Students were warming up there horses ready for the test.

It was inside the stable that really got my nerves on the edge. The nervous vibe coming off the atmosphere was contagious as horses stood uneasily. Students who had done their test stood with the horses smiling and thanking them and others looked as if they would cry. I immediately went to Kenshi's stall and sat against the wall where no one could see me unless they searched over the rail. Kenshi came over from his fresh hay and poked his muzzle in my face and messed up my hair until I laughed and he was satisfied.

I sat there for several minutes then jumped up and got my saddle. The cross ties were all taken and wasn't bothered to walk up another isle searching. I decided to simply saddle up Kenshi in his stall.

"Victoria, Mr Conner wants you to ride in twenty minutes." Mike, the groom said to me. I nodded and continued to groom Kenshi. Once I was finished grooming I saddled him and walked him to an outdoor arena. I decided to ride in the quieter arena. Inside was a girl on a bay Hanoverian and a guy on a liver chestnut thoroughbred. I ignored them and walked Kenshi around the outside getting him calm from the panic of the stable. I then transitioned neatly into a trot and then a steady canter. I bought him back to a walk and steadied him. I wanted to see if going faster had stirred him up but it hadn't. I pulled him into a twenty metre circle and got his body into good bend. I then started making the circle smaller. I spiralled in until I thought was enough and then spun him round and spiralled out. As I passed the girl on the Hanoverian I glanced up and gave her a polite smile. Kate smiled back.

"Hey, Tori," She smiled.

"Hi," I said.

"Your horse is a really great bender." She told me.

"Thank you." I knew I sounded confused but I tried to hide it.

"Yeah, maybe he'd be better in Pony Club pole bending then here." She grinned.

"No, I think he prefers to be in the Grand Prix arena. You know, where he came from." I said.

"Maybe, he's had his day. Horses aren't machines you know, Tor'" She said not grinning now.

"Trust me, I know and that's how I know he's not going to burn out at seven years old." I wasn't smiling now either.

"Whatever, Victoria, when you don't make it on the advanced team, just don't go crying home."

"Trust me, I won't even make it on the advanced team." I said. Kate frowned for a moment.

"I'm already on the YENT." Kate was now really frowning as I trotted off. I glanced up at the boy on the chestnut who was stunned.

"Hey," I said trotting past him. He waved and I walked out my excitement and adrenaline and decided to save that for the test.

I waited in the hallway of the indoor arena next to Miller.

"You right?" He asked me for the seventh time.

"Fine, yourself?" I asked again.

"Fine." He smiled nervously. I stayed calm for Kenshi's sake. I was riding next.

"Just ride like you'll never ride again." I told him.

"Thanks, that's comforting." He said.

"Look I've never seen you ride but you did a pretty amazing job of coaching me." I smiled.

"I supervised you."

"Just accept the compliment Miller." I said sympathetically.

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be." I told him.

"Victoria," Mike said. I nodded and followed him through the doors giving a wave to Miller. I entered the indoor arena and found Mr Conner standing, clipboard in hand and reading something on the sheet.

"Ah, Victoria," He began, looking up.

"Mount please and I will explain what we're doing today." I nodded and mounted Kenshi.

"Okay, you're already on the YENT so it's just me evaluating you. If I feel that someone else deserves that extra spot I will move you." He said looking up at me.

"At Canterwood we evaluate people not on their past but how they perform at the time. But may I just say that for most students that is a lie as we do take their achievements into consideration." He said.

"Okay, are we ready?" He asked me. I nodded.

"Victoria, we're going to start off with a hacking class thing. So like a hacking class would go, I want you to trot up the centre line, canter right, up the centre line, lead change then canter left. We're evaluating your horse." He smiled.

He nodded for me to go and I trotted steadily up the centre line making sure I was on the correct leg. A few moments later I squeezed Kenshi into a canter and made a wide circle before joining the centre line again. He canter up the centre line again before I turned him left and he made a lead change and continued in another circle. I stopped in front of Mr Conner.

"Thank you," He said, still writing a few notes down.

"Okay, now complete the dressage test you were given to learn over the summer. Would you like a caller?" He asked.

"No, thank you."

"Excellent. When you're ready." He said.

I sighed then squeezed Kenshi towards A where we entered at a working trot. I halted and saluted at X then trotted on to C where I trotted to the left. Kenshi moved so smoothly beneath me responding perfectly to my aids. When I was with horses nothing else mattered. I only concentrated on the horse not about school, my secrets, and my anxiety. Anxiety seemed non-existent when I was horses. They seemed to tame my nerves. I smiled to myself as Kenshi completed perfect moves. I swayed to his rhythmic canter and with a touch on the rein or squeeze of my legs Kenshi immediately obeyed. Before I knew we were making the final twenty metre circle right at B then after the circle slowed to a working trot between B and F. We turned the corner and trotted to A where we trotted down the centre line once again. I halted and saluted a X before turning around and heading out of the arena.

"That was very good, Victoria. It seemed you really enjoyed that. Something we haven't seen all day." Mr Conner grinned.

"Now to jumping," I followed him out to an outdoor arena with about twelve jumps of different variety.

I entered arena after Mr Conner.

"I assume you have learnt the course." He said. _I don't even get to walk it? _I thought.

"Yes,"

"Well then, when you're ready." He smiled. I looked up at the course and found the first jump. I was more nervous now, so I gave Kenshi pat and trotted into a circle. _Relax, _I told myself. My arms didn't feel like jelly as much now so I gathered the reins again and broke into a canter. Kenshi approached the first jump his moment gained as we were strides away and he leaped into the air tucking his legs under him. He landed neatly and we continued the course. He leapt the first jump, a small vertical and then bounced over a triple combination. We got to the tenth jump with no problems but one jump being a fraction to early. The tenth jump was the Liverpool. Kenshi and I approached it easily at first then Kenshi's ears pricked up and his stride shortened. I nudged him with my knee and rubbed his neck gently with my hand and he continued to approach it. It came up fast. _Three, two, one, now! _But Kenshi didn't jump until a stride later. I flew over the jump and I heard a click. Kenshi nicked the rail. We landed unsteadily but regained our balance. I wasn't going to look over my shoulder but I was sure I heard the sound of the bar dropping. We made a tight U-turn to the next jump and on the approach I glance at jump number ten and saw no bar on the ground. With boosted confidence I sped up to the second last jump, a triple bar, and Kenshi flew over it cleanly, and took the last vertical with ease.

"Excellent job, good recovery," Mr Conner grinned.

"Because you're not being graded I can tell you your results now." He said.

"You and your horse make and very good team. Your dressage test was good and as for your jumping, I'm not going to question your style. I'm happy to see you on the YENT." He says.

"Thank you so much Mr Conner!" I said smiling uncontrollably.

"I'll email you more later this evening." He excited the arena and headed back to the stable. I trotted Kenshi over to the entrance of the barn and dismounted.

"You were perfect, perfect, perfect!" I hugged him grinning uncontrollably. I pulled away and lead him into the stable. A girl and her horse were in the cross ties near Kenshi's stall so I again decided to untack him in his stall. I took off the saddle and sat it on my tack trunk and began brushing him.

"How was your test?" A familiar voice said from behind me. Startled I glanced over my shoulder.

"Amber?" I said. The brunette smiled and nodded.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. Not smiling.

"You're not the only one who's allowed to transfer to Canterwood." She said bluntly.

"Anyway, how was your test?" She glanced at Kenshi standing and watching, then back to me.

"It was really great. I got awesome feedback." I told her. Amber frowned.

"Well, good luck on the beginner team." She said before spinning around. I chuckled a little, and then it hit me. My old—what I thought was former rival is back to being my current rival. I finished grooming and kissed Kenshi goodbye and headed out of the stable. I glanced the direction of the outdoor arena and saw Miller inside on his dark bay cantering towards the first jump. I stopped and smiled. He and his horse looked fantastic. I would have to remember to tell him that later.

Back in my room, Cara was blasting her music as she sat head down at her desk.

"How did it go?" She said looking up as I got an iced tea. I held up a drink for her.

"Want one?" I asked and she nodded. I grabbed her a drink and walked over and sat in my desk chair and rolled it over near her.

"So?" She looked me waiting for an answer.

"It was fantastic! The test was great!" I grinned proudly.

"That's really good; I just thought you seemed a bit off." She nodded as she talked.

"Yeah, the test was good. But I ran into an old friend." I told her.

"What kind of old friend?" She asked slowly and curiously.

"Um, she was my old rival." I cringed.

"Like, one of your biggest competitors transferred here too and you had no idea?"

"Biggest competitor." I added.

"Whoa." She sighed. "But hey, don't stress. Is she on the YENT too?"

"No,"

"Well then you don't have… _much_… to worry about." She said smiling sympathetically.

"You do your homework and we'll watch a movie." She suggested and I nodded in agreement and rolled the desk chair back to my desk and put my head down and started working on my homework. It was going to be hard trying to get use to everything, I thought, but it was only the first day.


End file.
